Rule #1: Never Turn Down Free Cake. Ever.

Earlier this evening I was indulging in adult libations at my local watering hole when the most rare, random and delicious words were spoken to me: "Hey, do you want some cake?". It was followed with an actual piece of said cake waved in front of my face and let me tell you, it was spectacular...

Now, I am shy by nature. I tend to have a touch of the social awkwardness (juuuuuuust a touch). In normal, familiar circumstances, I WOULD never, HAVE never, turned down free cake. I can't even wrap my head around why a person would knowingly turn down free. fucking. cake. It's caaaaaaaaaake. *drools and waves tongue around inappropriately*

But tonight I was a lone rider. And, BTW, I am the least successful lonesome bar patron. I need a P.I.C. with me at all times. Nevermind that I have worked in a bar for 4 years, shhhhhh.....I suck at making conversation in a situation where I am not being compensated with whatever relevant currency is available (Pesos, Euros, Yen, Dried Macaroni....I'm not greedy). I'm like an intellectual hooker.

So there I was, at the bar, watching football, enjoying my refreshing beverage (water with ice and a straw), when I was offered the opportunity of a lifetime: "Do you want some cake that I convinced my table full of dessert whores celebrating some asshole's birthday to cut JUST FOR YOU?". Whew. I was flattered, I really was. It was that 3 layer buttercream bizzzz.  But I was out of my element and there were pretty girls left and right, who didn't even look twice at the cake. That sounds bad. Let me replace "pretty girls" with "emus". Yes, this works better. Anyway, this rendered the cake undesirable......at the moment. Don't ask. I'm a woman and the insecurities are too deep to discuss.

Let's flash forward to now. When it's 3:15 in the morning and I am reminiscing about the evening. Oooooh, Le Sigh....remember the cake? Ahhh yes, the cake....feels like it was hours  ago....

I have no shame when it comes to sugary celebrations of someone's achievements. I don't even care if I know you...I want IN. Whether or not I try to recreate said missed opportunity has yet to be proven...

This may have happened when I got home:

Self (well, drunk self): This might be one of the first time we've turned down free cake. WTF.
Brain: You know we have frosting in the fridge.
Self (well, drunker self): Sold. No bread though. Problem?
Brain: WE HAVE FROSTING IN THE FRIDGE.
Self (where am i?): Hmmm...No bread though....
Brain: We have frosting in the fridge and peanut butter in the cabinet
Self (who are yooo-): Nommmmmmmmmmmm......

Lesson Learned: free cake < cake frosting + peanut butter @ 3:45am.