Awkward Turtle is Awkward.

Awkward Turtle: a socially stunted  twenty something, usually found wearing attire laden with animals (for the sheer love of fashion, not irony); generally brilliant with poor conversational skills; posture and fear of fellow people resemble that of a turtle; can be found in your apartment complex/laundromat/basement/etc.

*Disclaimer - I am in no way claiming to be an awkward turtle (copyright pending). I think we all know you will never find me anywhere near laundry.*
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^ I have no idea why I felt the need for the above divider, I just like the way the dashes look. It's like you're driving on a road paved with my thoughts and that makes me feel IMPORTANT. Now keep reading about ME:

I fart out awkwardness with reckless abandon. Over the course of three days, I crop dusted awkward over several unsuspecting and undeserving strangers and friends. Read on for a heart warming tale about why I shouldn't be allowed out in public without a chaperone.

First offense: I hijacked a wave meant for someone else. (Well, it could have been meant for me, which makes the following that much more awesome). Now, not only did I turn into a hand greeting terrorist, but the second by brain screamed WRONG, I sprang into action the most awesomely obvious, non-rectifying and quite possibly more humiliating/hilarious move ever created: the-wave-to-hair-stroke recovery.

I would love to regale you with a victory tale about how all of this went unnoticed and no i did not launch into a hysterical giggle fit, thankyouverymuch, but that would be a lie and this post would be unnecessary. No, I upped the ante on this poker match and grossly misjudged the appropriate ratio of eye contact to recovery plan. *Note to future self, when disengaging from theft of gestured pleasantries, ABORT eye contact, I SAID ABORT, DAMMIT!!*

Second offense: Just two days later, I leaned into a goodbye hug with a friend who is a goodbye  cheek kisser. No worries, right? Common situation, what could possibly go wrong. Nothing, I suppose, unless you are a 5'9'' female and said friend is a 5'5'' (that might be generous) male. So he kissed me on the cheek goodbye and at that moment I decided I was unsatisfied with this ending, so I chose my own adventure, turned to page 63 as instructed and went in for the hug. WRONG. Said friend was unaware of my intentions and I fell into him at a downward angle. I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty sure it was a long way down. Don't worry, I didn't hurt him. I simply stood up, mumbled something incoherently while giggling, half heartedly punched his shoulder and walked out the door. Like a champion.

They say that things always happen in 3's, but I'm really hoping in this case it's not true because I'm pretty sure my awkwardness gave me shingles.

Yikes, now this post is getting awkward. *Retreats back into shell*